Category Archives: Love & Relationships

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I know we’ve all heard this saying before and I’m sure you’re all tired of hearing it, but I just wanted to write a little something to give hope and reassurance to those that may be going through a long distance relationship.  I know from experience that absence really can make the heart grow fonder.  I grew up with my mom constantly going out of the country for work for months at a time and saw my parents’ relationship actually IMPROVE from it.  They fought less, they missed each other more, and their patience improved.  It made them both appreciate each other’s love more and learn the importance of what the other had to say and felt.

So for those of you doubting whether or not it can work between you and your significant other, just know that yes it will get frustrating and you may feel lonely at times, but you also will gain such a deeper appreciation for the other person.  Simple things like the sound of their voice or holding hands will seem like the best things in the world.  Here are a few tips to keep the love alive and the relationship strong:

  1. Have a mutual understanding of what you both want.  Reassuring one another that you have the same amount of love, care about each other equally, and are putting forth the same effort to make the relationship work will really enhance any relationship; especially a long distance one.  Feeling secure and knowing that you are both on the same page is extremely important.
  2. Don’t OVER communicate.  I know you’re probably thinking, “What is this girl talking about?!”, but seriously sometimes less is more.  Just because you don’t see each other doesn’t mean you need to compensate that by talking 24/7.  It will do more harm than good.  Just like when you see someone too often and can start to get super annoyed by their presence, the same goes for if you talk to someone too much.  You may think it is helping, but it is actually hurting the relationship.  Give yourselves a chance to miss each other.
  3. Keep the sexual attraction strong.  Don’t let the spark die or forget what it feels like to kiss and hold each other.  Set a night aside each week for you two to say how much you miss each other in both an emotional and physical way. Flirt a little!
  4. Communicate regularly.  You want to make sure you don’t NOT talk to each other.  Seeing a “good morning” and “good night” text lets the other know they are thinking about them and want to make the effort.  Sending photos is also a good way to remind your lover that you are trying to include them in your life.
  5. Be honest.  Trust will always be one of the most important things to have in order for a relationship to work.  Being in a long distance relationship makes it that much more valuable.  Once you lose trust, the relationship will have a hard time recovering, if it will at all.

I hope these tips help any of you going through a long-distance relationship.  Whether it’s just for a month, 5 months, or for up to a year or more, these should help you maintain a strong trusting relationship.

Celebrity Come-Back Kids

This summer must be the season of love because all of the celebrity couples who have once been single have now run into their new loves. The break-ups include: Ciara and Future, Nicki Minaj and Safaree, Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey, Amber Rose and Wiz Khlaifa, and Tyga and Blac Chyna. The more famous spouse out of two seemed to bounce back the fastest, but now the exes are clapping back.

Ciara and FutureCiara and Russell

We see now that Ciara has hooked up with handsome NFL player Russell Wilson. At first, when I saw them together I saw no connection. I saw this as a ploy to stage her comeback and disconnection from rapper Future, but the more see these two together, the more I like them. Now CiCi never really knew how to pick ’em; she’s got a bit of a past with unsuccessful relationships due to choice. There was rapper Bow Wow who was, for one, too short for her; I saw them as a publicity stunt anyways. Then there was rapper 50 Cent and as I’ve repeatedly said, I never suggest people in the industry dating rappers. I guess she never learned from dating those rappers because she ended up with an even more ratchet one; Future. Future already had a litany of Baby Mamas and I don’t know what drove Ciara to this one; maybe it was because they were both from Atlanta, but whatever the case may be, she ended up getting knocked up and he left her just like he left the others. Word on the street is that Future is now hooking back up with exes but if this thing is real with Russel, and he’s a better example for baby Future, and he’s not a stereotypical whore like many athletes, I’m all for it. Ciara wins.

Nicki and SafareeNicki and meekSafaree and ZashiaNick Minaj and Safaree probably had one of the most public break-ups of the year. It’s sad that after 10 years these two were able to hop on every media platform they could to tarnish each others name in some form. Safaree even tried her career saying he wrote many of her lyrics. Either way, it was trash and I’m glad they’re finally moving on. Nicki Minaj, as we all know, got swept up by rapper Meek Mill. As I said, industry people and rappers never mix so i don’t have high expectations for OMeeka but I will say that Meek seems to be completely infatuated with her and they’re going to make a lot of money if they stick it out. We’ll see. But Safaree finally decided to snatch him up a boo; she’s a make up artist by the name of Zashia. She’s no Nicki Minaj but she’s a beauty and we’ll see if he’s just trying to make Nicki jealous or if he’s really into this chick.

Mariah and James

Nick and MariahNick and Jessica

Nick and Mariah’s break up was the least shocking to everyone. We knew as soon as we heard the pair get married and then on top of that seem completely disconnected on their first interview that they would break up sooner or later. Nick has been rumored to be dating many women such as Amber Rose and so on but most rumors narrow down to model Jessica White. She’s a beauty and Nick Cannonhas a history of scandal with models. He hasn’t learned his lesson either but at least he’s getting his feet in the water. Now Mariah has tried her best to shine since her divorce. Even though her vocals weren’t promising, she had a show in Vegas that apparently did well and she’s been trying to work. Now she’s been seen with new billionaire and heir James Packer. We saw it work for Janet, maybe it will work for her. Perhaps the only one who can tame a diva is a man with enough money to give her everything she wants. Hopefully he’s a new match and Mariah can finally settle down.

Amber and WizAmber and MGK

Amber Rose and Wiz Kalifa’s marriage seemed to be going well but rappers will be rappers and Amber Rose will be Amber Rose. When she said she doesn’t even smoke weed I knew this wasn’t going to last. Amber is notorious for dating rappers, like remember Kanye, and now she’s moved on to a white one, Machine Gun Kelly or MGK. Maybe if the chocolate doesn’t taste so good anymore, you try vanilla. He’s probably the most out-of-the-spotlight rapper she can go for and he’s different so maybe he will adore her enough to keep her. But, if he has the same rap mentality as the others, I doubt it. No word on Wiz moving on but it’s surely to come. I just hope they co-parent better with their adorable son Bash. Amber’s got a type. Good luck girl.

Blac Chyna and J-LeonTyga and Kylie

tyga and Blac Chyna

Tyga and Blac Chyna had the saddest break-up of all to me. Tyga left his stripper girlfriend who had his son for a 17-year-old jobless piece of plastic. America has been disgusted by Tyga’s actions and deeming him a predator for illegally frolicking with Kylie Jenner. Kylie only knows what she sees being as though her older sister Kim is married to rapper Kanye West and Khloe was dating rapper French Montana. It makes sense that she would see fit dating one as well. Tyga is 24 and shouldn’t be entertaining girls at Kylie’s age. Even when she turns 18 it will still be a drag because they have been pursuing each other way before then and she honestly doesn’t seem mature enough even though she dresses like it. He’s been dragging her everywhere with him and Kylie has been dressing like a sexy grown woman anytime they go out. I think Kendall may be the only Jenner with some sense. At her age, I don’t think it will last with Kylie and Tyga, and Kylie definitely shouldn’t be responsible for raising Tyga’s baby King since she’s been seen in pictures with him. Blac Chyna obviously is disgusted as well as she’s expressed but luckily, boxer J’Leon Love came in to save the day. I could see this working out since Chyna is a big girl now but I hope he’s ready for a son. I’ll be watching.

Celebrity couple drama is so juicy. It seems as though they all look way better with the new baes though. I’ll be updating from time to time as new things brew, but for now, congrats to the exes who put a line through it and kept on trucking.

Be Stingy With Your Cootie-Cat

male

Sorry I had to use Joseline’s song, her being extremely out there with her sexuality, but it proves my point! In this generation there are more shotgun weddings, pre-marital babies, teen pregnancies, and STDs than perhaps ever before. Kids are having sex earlier and earlier and we should not be using forms of birth control for 12-year-olds. And I’m not just talking to the ladies, men too. We have got to stop this double standard that we have allowing our men to be loose but then cracking down on the ladies. When are we going to realize that it goes both ways and that there is not one more significant than the other. It starts with the parenting, but once we as young adults are released into the world, it is up to us from there.

As far as parenting, parents have to set the example. If a daughter sees her mother walking around in provocative clothing and being promiscuous and immature, she will emulate what she sees. If her father only dates woman who appears as though everyone has ran through her, they will think this is what men are attracted too. Sometimes situations consciously affect children once they become of age. For instance, if one of the parents cheats, divorces, constantly says ill things towards one another, is not present, walked out of their life, teaches them incorrectly, or simply doesn’t discipline, it shows in adulthood. This generation is spoiled with parents using the excuse that the child should have more than they do; that is the goal. But if the parent has everything, where does that leave the child? Do we see that eventually if we repeat the “I want my child to have what I never did” eventually the child will have everything? Everything to the point of being so spoiled that there’s nothing the child can’t have.They grow up without respect, morals, values, and good attitudes because mommy and daddy told them they could have the world. Parent have to talk to their kids about sex and be open. Do research and find ways to make it easier. It really sticks with us later. We also can’t over protect them because this causes rebellion so there is a balance. Allow them to make mistakes and learn from them. Let them fly and be there to guide them. Punish them appropriately when they are wrong. And yes, some children need to be spanked. Train a child in the way they should go. Set an example and don’t be an example of what no to do. The child needs to be raised with spiritual foundation whether that be church or whatever it is you believe in in order to reinforce right and wrong. These upcoming generations need guidance. Children can’t raise children and grandparents shouldn’t raise children for lazy parents. It’s a responsibility and we all suffer the consequences.

Now, once the parenting is done and we go out on our own, the rest is up to us. I’ve seen people who were raised in wonderful families with a great upbringing that still end up making stupid mistakes. Curiosity and peer pressure can make a good apple turn into a bad egg. For the beautiful ladies with a good family; everything that glitters is not gold. We cannot allow ourselves to be fooled by the persuasion of a man who wants nothing more from you but something he can get from any other girl. The rule that works for me is: if you can’t see yourself having a baby with him, don’t get in the bed. Just keep the consequences in mind before making a bad decision. Don’t hang out alone in the room with men, don’t give it up to any man with a pretty face and sweet talk, and don’t set yourself up for failure. A man will show you exactly who he is if you pay attention. Just because men do whorish things during this age doesn’t mean we have too and not all men do it. Don’t profile them miss out on good men. Get a title and fall in love before you consider you body. If a man will cheat to be with you he will do the same to you. There are so many ways to avoid the system. And for those who didn’t have the best upbringing, stop using that as an excuse. A parent that’s not present is not your crutch. You can change it! You can be better that that! You can look back and show off on how far you’ve come and make those you love and yourself proud. Also, gold digging is so dead. There’s always a price for money and even if you find a man who will buy you everything you could ever want, he will lack in so many other areas that it will leave a hole in your heart. You deal with the public, the criticism, and the child you realize that is going to be just like him. Men; it is not expected of you to be hoes so stop the foolery. You have the power to make the life you wish for and you choose to lay down with dogs? These girls will run you dry. Just think about sex as dropping a penny into a little bucket every time you do it. Once that bucket’s full, then what? Then you wanna marry? You’re blown out by that time and sex isn’t going to be special like it’s supposed to be. Let your crew make stupid decisions and suffer those consequences alone. Or better, stop hanging with discouraging friends. Having a record will not help you in your future and no man is complete without having success. You want girls and consequences or a fulfillng life and foundation? You choose.

This is not a post to bash sex. Even biblically sex is described as a gift from God. I only remind my readers to be in love with who you give your body too. Screw a 90 day rule. It’s when YOU are ready and there is no time limit on that. Whether it’s 6 months or until you’re married. There’s no addiction; it’s all in your head that you need it and can’t stop once you start. Many people regret who they give their first time to anyways. It’s OK to wait. It’s beautiful to wait. Be the unique one. Attract someone as unique as you and make magic. Share a moment with someone special who has proved your love and who you feel totally comfortable with; someone you can introduce to Mama and someone you’ll have longevity with. I refuse to go along with the 2015 trend of sex being normal and since everyone is doing it that means I’m weird if I decide not to sleep with whoever I want. It’s supposed to be about being in love and connecting and chemistry. Sex was created to end in the beauty of a child so keep that in mind. Make sure you’re getting checked, using proper birth control, and making smart and conscious decisions and no birth control is 100% effective.The child should enter world with two parents that love them and create the masculine a feminine balance in their life however this is done. Be stingy with your cootie-cat and men gate the snake.

Ellie Goulding’s Magic Matchmaking: T-Swift and Calvin Harris

This couple certainly turned heads when going public with their relationship back in April of this year. But how did the two lovebirds meet?–Actually, how did Taylor meet all of the handsome men we have had the privilege of seeing her date…?

Moving on. *insert smiley emoji here*

U.K. singer (and now U.S.sensation,) Ellie Goulding introduced the two for one compelling reason–their height. Strange, but obviously a great choice because the duo are still going strong.

1431708351_taylor-swift-calvin-harris-article

Ellie states to The Sun (via Cosmopolitan) about this matchmaking success:

“I did play matchmaker, that’s true. Calvin is a really great mate, and he’s so fantastic, and Taylor is such a cool person who I love. I thought, “They’re both really awesome and both really tall. They’ll be brilliant together.”

Now that is a great friend–or just a successful matchmaking scenario.

LONDON, ENGLAND - FEBRUARY 11: Seven-time Grammy winner Taylor Swift was joined on stage by Ellie Goulding on the final night of the European leg of her blockbuster The RED Tour at London's O2 Arena, playing to a capacity crowd of more than 15500 fans on February 11, 2014 in London, England.  (Photo by Dave J Hogan/Getty Images for TAS) ORG XMIT: 466519421 ORIG FILE ID: 468779503

Ellie and Taylor have shown their close friendship on Instagram and she also featured in T-Swift’s Bad Blood music video. Haven’t seen it? Check it out here.

What do you think about the love birds? Leave your comments below!

-Kenya Parks

Is It OK For Women To Approach Men?

cut
I’m loving the new feminist movement of 2015. Women are more than just housekeepers; we are soldiers, policemen, and maybe even The President of the United States of America! We have progressed in many areas, but have women really progressed romantically? In more recent times it’s more common than ever before for women to make the first move. Some prefer the traditional way; that men should always approach women. Some believe that women can approach men just as easily, especially if done correctly. This brings two questions to debate: 1. Is it OK for a woman to approach a man? and 2. Should the way a woman approaches the man differ from the way a man approaches a man?
Let’s explore the first question; in my opinion, I believe women should be able to approach men, however, there is a correct way to do it. We as women are so far advanced in 2015, it should not matter who approaches who.
Personally, I’ve had more luck when men approach me. Now, I don’t know if the reasoning is my fault or America’s traditional mindset. It’s difficult to tell. My friends and I have debated this over and over. Does attraction play a part? What about setting? Are guys still uncomfortable with a bold girls? Well, whether I’m ugly or not, my bold personality has caused discomfort for sure, however, many of the guys I spoke with were OK with girls approaching them.
Mass media major, Thomas Wright says, “I don’t feel as if women approaching men is an issue, especially in this age characterized by a movement towards gender equality. Nonetheless, I do feel as if it is the man’s job to be the chaser.”
Exercise physiology graduate Tayler Thatcher says, “I would encourage women to approach men more often. “
Computer science graduate Reggie Daniel declares, “I personally don’t believe in setting double standards that say men can do one thing and women another. A woman might run into a man that she’s interested in but he may be a little shy.”
Many of the girls who I talked to had mixed feelings about approaching guys
Psychology major Cherish Brent says, “I personally prefer that the man approach the woman simply because of the way I was brought up. It might even have a bit to do with the biblical standpoint ‘he that findeth a good woman…’. However, just because that is my personal preference, I don’t see anything wrong with a woman approaching a man. In today’s society I see it happening more and more. All in all, it depends on what the man is comfortable with. Some men might feel emasculated by it while others may be flattered.”
Musical artist Jasmine Robinson says “I’ve personally never approached a guy but I do think that it’s okay for women to approach a guy.”
Nursing major, Jamani Swift says, “In this day and age, I would say that it’s fine to approach a man, especially with the mixed signals most people put out.”
Cherish has a point, biblically, we may be destined to wait for a man to approach us, but there’s nothing wrong with a little push, right? Men are clueless sometimes! And I agree with Jamani in the sense that sometimes men and women struggle with expressing and determining whether they like or dislike someone, so why not make it obvious if you can’t tell? Sometimes people are shy or afraid of rejection and they may need clarity.
Next, there’s the approach. I wouldn’t say women will find success in “Cat-Calling” men or walking right up to them saying, “Hey, can I have your number?”, or something like that. Most men don’t feel as though women approaching them is the weird part, it’s the execution. When women do approach men it should be more subtle rather than obvious.
Jamani continues, “Depending on the circumstance, a woman can use a pick-up line or casually make conversation until the message is received.”
Jasmine claims, “Starting [a conversation] in a similar way that a guy would by “giving a compliment” or something…when the female is extra confident, she will at least peak an interest. Bottom line though, whether it’s a girl or guy, always try because you can only get a yes or no but by not trying, it’s a definite no.”
Tayler suggests, “It can be as simple as striking up a conversation. It would be cool if girls tried pick up lines on guys.”
Thomas adds, “If a woman were to approach a man with interest, I feel that it should be in a subtle yet clever way. Nothing too strong but just enough to let him know that she has an eye out for him.”
But why is that? Why should women be subtle and men be stronger? I’ve had a man stop his car and try to hit on me while stopped at a red light in front of everyone. Not to say this approach is acceptable but why is it a normality for men to be bold and for women to not be? That’s where women who are like me have problems. I can be a bit too bold with my approach with people I’m interested in, whether it’s friends or potential guys. Either men think I’m mean or they’re turned off by it.
Reggie chimes in, “That single “hey” might be all he needs to step up and court her…a woman should approach a man no differently than how a man would respectfully approach a woman; casual conversation, lunch dates, doing activities together and getting to know each other better.”
I asked my parents to chime in to divert from the younger generation.
My Dad, who’s a corrections officer and army veteran, says, “I don’t see anything wrong with a woman approaching a man as long as she isn’t being crazy. She can casually start a conversation and give him her number to show interest.”
My Mom, who’s a respiratory therapist, felt the opposite, “Absolutely not! That’s what’s wrong with this generation. That’s why chivalry is dead. The men are now punks, they don’t want to chase or open doors for you anymore. Women are too fast.”
Even though she may have been harsh, there is some truth to it. If women start approaching men as commonly as men approach women, will we lose chivalry in return? Will men stop being gentlemen? I sure hope not! I would love to be able to approach men without negative reactions but I also love when a man gives me his coat and opens the door for me. How do we find that balance?
What I learned today is that we are approaching an age where women approach men more often but we have to keep in mind the issues that come with it. Our approach may be different or perhaps we’ll even lose some chivalry along the way, so now we have to determine if it’s worth it. In a perfect world, my Prince Charming will confidently come right up to me and be honest with his intentions and we would go from there. But if I knew my Prince Charming didn’t see my interest in him, I also wouldn’t mind batting an eye. Ladies? Men? What do you think?

Oh, you’re playing hard to get?

Ever like someone so much to the point in your head you thought you two were dating… yeah we’ve all been there. But how do you begin to move on and get over someone that well… wasn’t even yours to begin with. This is a something that I feel we all can relate to… even though we might not want to. . It’s like once you’ve been hurt, you’re so scared to get attached again, like you have this fear that every person you start to like is going to break your heart. But…How can you get over someone you never had? Yeah they said hi to you sometimes, but did they ever notice you like you noticed them…probably not. You feel like they’re playing hard to get but no…sadly you can’t see that they’re just not that into you.

You may not act like it…but you want them more than anything you’ve ever wanted in your life. Even when you try to forget about them, they always come back. Either in person, through a text, a phone call, or just through your mind, it’s impossible.

Words can never say what you feel; it’s too intense you tried… tried to tell them how you  feel, but you get mixed up soo mixed up your mind is blind at times you can’t see anyone but them, those other people don’t matter . You must make them understand….

Talking to them makes you happy. Talking to them turns a crappy day into a better day and it turns a great day into a fantastic day. But let’s be real, Sometimes it’s best to forget how you feel, and remember what you deserve.